This whole program has been one fucked up experience after another. I’ve met some of the most fucked up and meanest people of my life here, I’ve allowed myself to be treated like complete shit, I’ve seen someone die, I’ve missed out on important events back home, I’ve left everyone that I adore back at home. I’ve allowed myself to be walked all over just so I could have “friends.” This whole program has been one fucking mistake after another. The one “friend” that convinced me to come here has turned out to be the most awful person I’ve ever met in my life. Right now, I regret coming here more than anything.
I’m not willing to give up my morals and self respect just to get a guy to like me. Tonight really showed me how awful some people can be, but I walked away feeling good about myself and with my respect and dignity.
I have this ritual where every morning and every night, I stand in front of the mirror for 1 hour and point out everything that is wrong with me. I hate it and wish that I never started this, because I cannot stop.